I know I haven’t written in a while but I’ve just been super busy which I’ll talk about in another post. I actually wasn’t gonna post anything till tomorrow, however I ran across something that caught my attention.
I’m not sure how many of you have seen the letter rapper Kid Cudi posted. If not, you can read it below.
“Its been difficult for me to find the words to what Im about to share with you because I feel ashamed. Ashamed to be a leader and hero to so many while admitting I’ve been living a lie. It took me a while to get to this place of commitment, but it is something I have to do for myself, my family, my best friend/daughter and all of you, my fans.
Yesterday I checked myself into rehab for depression and suicidal urges.
I am not at peace. I haven’t been since you’ve known me. If I didn’t come here, I wouldve done something to myself. I simply am a damaged human swimming in a pool of emotions everyday of my life. Theres a ragin violent storm inside of my heart at all times. Idk what peace feels like. Idk how to relax. My anxiety and depression have ruled my life for as long as I can remember and I never leave the house because of it. I cant make new friends because of it. I dont trust anyone because of it and Im tired of being held back in my life. I deserve to have peace. I deserve to be happy and smiling. Why not me? I guess I give so much of myself to others I forgot that I need to show myself some love too. I think I never really knew how. Im scared, im sad, I feel like I let a lot of people down and again, Im sorry. Its time I fix me. Im nervous but ima get through this.
I wont be around to promote much, but the good folks at Republic and my manager Dennis will inform you about upcoming releases. The music videos, album release date etc. The album is still on the way. Promise. I wanted to square away all the business before I got here so I could focus on my recovery.
If all goes well ill be out in time for Complexcon and ill be lookin forward to seeing you all there for high fives and hugs.
Love and light to everyone who has love for me and I am sorry if I let anyone down. I really am sorry. Ill be back, stronger, better. Reborn. I feel like shit, I feel so ashamed. Im sorry.
I love you,
Now honestly reading this, I identified in so many different ways only my closest friends would understand. One thing that stood out to me was the fact he said he felt ashamed.
BRUH, this is nothing to be ashamed of, as one of my closest friends said “We are allowed to not be okay and we are allowed to admit that.”
I’m so proud that he took this step to recovery before hurting himself. Many of us go through things on a daily basis and are so afraid to say “I’m not okay.” We hide behind these fake smiles and facades thinking that if we say something that we are gonna be looked upon as weak.
BUT HERE WAH! I wanna tell you that yo… if you cut yourself, you bleed, why? CAUSE YOU ARE HUMAN.
WE ALL ARE HUMAN.
Just because you suffer differently doesn’t mean you are different than anyone else. I can honestly speak because it took me years to actually tell my friends/family that I legit wasn’t okay. I was going through a serious depression and contemplating suicide almost everyday. I still got scars to prove all of this but am I ashamed of this? Nah.
The reason I can publicly come out and talk about this right now is because who I am today was because of all the trials I went through, all the times I felt like my insides was being ripped out by a plastic fork slowly. It made me who I am today. Guys, honestly speaking, depression is a SERIOUS and REAL ting.
IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM IT AND THINKING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, PLEASE. GET. HELP.
- Talk to someone you trust.
Note briefly I did not say one of your friends because nowadays folks only wanna hear your story or issues to relay to others and you need to cipher out these folks and remove them from your life. IMMEDIATELY.
- It also helps to write or find some way to express your emotions/feelings in a healthy way. (This is how I found photography)
- Pray. Honestly, prayer works.
Hey, if you feel like you aint got nobody, hit my inbox, honestly I’m a good listener and I def won’t judge you. Just please, don’t hurt yourself. It may seem like a good release but trust me, your issues will be still be there after the pain subsides.
To the folks who know a friend or someone who is going through depression or considering suicide. Now is not the time to go and run and tell a friend to giggle and laugh about it.
Now isn’t the time to compare their life to others and say shit like “Your life isn’t that bad” or “Other people have problems worse than you and they don’t want to die.”
BE A FRIEND. Talk to them, let them know you’re there, just that alone is sometimes what they really need to hear. Simple words like “How can I help?” Can move a entire person, trust me.
This may or may not be my last “serious” blog post but I just want to tell anyone out there who is going through any issues that you are not alone.
You are human, You are brave and YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS.
Much love everyone.